Nudging

Big announcement! I'm going to be spending two months of my summer in Colorado on Summer Project!

What's Summer Project? Well, in the most basic terms, it's a mission project with Campus Crusade for Christ. For me, it's a graphic design internship and evangelism project in Colorado. It's fairly exciting...and fairly frightening.

Evangelism alone is a fearsome thing, but what is truly consuming me at this moment is the idea of being away for so long. I've lived at home all through college. I've lived at home for...forever. I twenty-three and I've never been away from home for more than nine days or so. Yes, nine days. This is a big deal.

Such a big deal, in fact, that I'm already a tad homesick. Silly, but true. There's a pricking at my heart when I think about being away from my home for that long.

And yet, there's this pounding in my chest and excitement buzzing in my ears. God has this awesome way of reinforcing the idea that this is right. He's surrounded me with people who want this for me (often more than I do). I've clothed myself in fear and hesitation and He's bathed me in encouragement.

You see, I'm supposed to raise my way there. I'm expected to collect over $3000 (more like $4000) of support...and I have yet to send out a single copy of my support letter. I've certainly prayed about it, but this ever-so-carefully composed letter of which I speak of has yet to even leave my computer (or be entirely finished, for that matter). I don't know what it is that is holding me back. Fear perhaps? After all, it is quite a leap of faith to place my heart upon a page, wrap it in an envelope, and send it off to someone, asking that he or she pay for a piece of my summer.

My unwitting resistance has served only to make way for God to work. I've already raised $1600. Just the other day I visited my grandmother with a load of groceries and, without my even bringing up Colorado, she told me she had decided to double her original $500 donation to $1000. I didn't even know what to say. I think I smiled and tried somehow to express my gratitude, but I think mostly I just stared, wide-eyed.

If God has elbows, He's nudging me. He's whispering in my ear. You asked and I am providing. Just imagine what I'll do when you send out those letters.

Okay, God, I hear you.

In Bloom

I feel like I'm speaking into some expansive, dark room...or sending bottled messages out upon a great sea. I have no idea if anyone is listening. Perhaps I'm talking to myself. Assuming with hope that there is someone out there, sitting in the stillness of this room (which is actually quite creepy) or floating about among the waves, I intend to keep writing.

My hope is that my thoughts resonate with someone. I am certainly not alone in thinking that this phase of life is pivotal, and therefore both intimidating and exhilarating. There is a persistent pounding in my chest and a knotting of my stomach. The dreaded adulthood is upon me. I am frightened. I am enlivened.

This past week I got a taste of what I might look like with out the constant identity and security of my family. I was introduced to this girl who is actually sort of wonderful. I like her. She is not so different that I felt a piece of me had been lost, but she is awake. She is funny. She can speak. She is part of something great.

I can feel things shifting. As noted by a friend of mine, I am blossoming.